Guess What?!

Guess what? I'm graduating from high school in a week. I'm so excited! I know I'm going to be really sad the last day of school, but right now I couldn't be happier. I am just ready to start a new chapter of my life. Go to college, redefine myself... That kind of thing.

And not only that, but I have had the privilege of working out in the on-campus gym many times. And I cannot even begin to explain to you how excited I am going to be when I have my student membership and can use their wonderful, wonderful gym any time I want free of charge.

In other news, I think I'm going to try another fast. It's been awhile since I last tried to fast, but I've been eating like an absolute obese person the last few days. And its honestly depressing to me when my stomach is full. That's when I hate myself the most. I need to cleanse my system of all the nasty food I've been eating. Liquid fast: here I come.

We're Back Together.

The boy and I are back together. :)

I'm so happy! ...and gaining weight. 2 pounds so far. Why is it that I can only lose weight when I'm upset? Why can't I just be happy AND thin?

I know what you're thinking: "You can't have your cake and eat it, too." But I swear, I don't want to eat any damn cake!

-Ky

On The Verge.

I'm so close to breaking.

Things are so complicated with my exboyfriend. We tried being friends after the break up, and just ended up hooking up. Now, I dont know what to do. :/

Also, I haven't been eating. Like hardly at all. After he broke up with me, I pretty much lost the will to do much of anything. I don't want to sound like just another whiny teenager. Because I'm not. Its really hard to lose someone who you are so close to. We were together for two years. I'm a mess right now.

Anyway, I haven't been eating and he's been noticing. I weigh 108 now. I dropped 7 pounds in a week and a half. Normally, I would be so happy about that, but its hard to be happy about anything right now. I am grateful though. No one will stay by your side like Ana will, that's for sure. Guess I'm learning that the hard way.

But I need some advice. Like I said before, my exboyfriend is noticing that I'm not eating... He asked me point blank today if I was "trying to be anorexic". I laughed and said no, of course not. But a part of me wanted to scream at him and tell him the truth about it all. Should I have told him? I'm tired of lying to everyone around me... I just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask for?

Broken

My boyfriend of two years left me.
Out of the blue.
With little reason, other than he just "didn't feel the same about me anymore".

I have no idea how to go on.
My best friend has just been ripped from me.
My life seems meaningless now.

I've stopped eating.
I've stopped caring.
I've stopped trying.

I hate myself.

Amazing.

That is how I feel. Amazing.

I had a wonderful time while I was away with friends on vacation. So much fun! But unfortunately, it was raining a good portion of the time. :( No sun for me.

Anyways, the main reason I feel so amazing is because I just bought my prom dress for senior prom not too long ago. And guess what size it is! ZERO. It's amazing, isn't it? I was delighted when the size 4's were too big, and I practically had a heart attack when the size 2's were too big! I can't believe I can fit into a size 0. I have wanted this for so long. And to find this out when I'm trying on beautiful dresses just made it that much better. I will admit, it is a tiny tiny big snug on me. But I can breathe, and it zips up all the way!  So, no worries. My plan is to just not eat between now and prom. I'm not even kidding. I want that dress to fit perfectly. I must do this.

Going vegetarian was the best decision I've ever made. I am so continuing this after Lent!!

xoxo Kylie

I'm Doing Well

I'm really tired right now, so this post will be short. I'm doing really well right now. Lent is going great, and I'm feeling really good physically and mentally. I have absolutely no idea what I weigh. I NEED a new scale at home!! But I can tell the new diet and exercising regularly are really helping out. 

Also, I'm going on vacation with some friends really soon, so I'll be totally MIA for a while. But I can't wait to catch up with everyone's blogs when I get back!! This trip could not have come at a better time. I really need a break from reality right now. lol I hope to come back relaxed and even more determined than I am now. 

Warm weather, here I come!! 

-Kylie

Lent

I decided to give up meat this year for Lent. I was already trying to stay away from meat in general, but thats a really hard thing to do when my mother cooks dinner for the family and asks why I'm "barely touching my favorite foods". So, I decided giving up meat for Lent would be a good way to kill two birds with one stone. Maybe help me stay on track with losing weight before Spring Break. 

So, today is Day 4 without meat, and I feel pretty good! I've been much more aware of my diet, which has helped me eat healthier foods and stay at a low calorie intake. Wish me luck on the next 42 days of Lent!!