I'm so close to breaking.
Things are so complicated with my exboyfriend. We tried being friends after the break up, and just ended up hooking up. Now, I dont know what to do. :/
Also, I haven't been eating. Like hardly at all. After he broke up with me, I pretty much lost the will to do much of anything. I don't want to sound like just another whiny teenager. Because I'm not. Its really hard to lose someone who you are so close to. We were together for two years. I'm a mess right now.
Anyway, I haven't been eating and he's been noticing. I weigh 108 now. I dropped 7 pounds in a week and a half. Normally, I would be so happy about that, but its hard to be happy about anything right now. I am grateful though. No one will stay by your side like Ana will, that's for sure. Guess I'm learning that the hard way.
But I need some advice. Like I said before, my exboyfriend is noticing that I'm not eating... He asked me point blank today if I was "trying to be anorexic". I laughed and said no, of course not. But a part of me wanted to scream at him and tell him the truth about it all. Should I have told him? I'm tired of lying to everyone around me... I just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask for?
I know commiseration is the worst therapy, but the same thing happened to me when I was nineteen. Boyfriend of two years dumping me, going numb. It's ridiculous that he asked if you're "trying to be anorexic." How insensitive.
ReplyDeleteI know it feels like you have no one but Ana right now, and that she's the only one in your life who will never leave. I hear that voice too. But we're here for you. Just keep writing. Much Love <3
Your comments literally brighten my mood. Thank you so much for being a friend through all of this. It's like you know exactly what's going through my head. The pressure is too much for me sometimes...
DeleteKylie, I hope you are ok.. I have been in the same place, too many times. My bf of 3 years broke up with me when I was 18. He said I wasnt good enough, the world falls apart.. but believe me it will put itself back together.. It takes time.. Its hard to eat, and you think whats the point. I hope you end up in a good place and start feeling good about yourself.
ReplyDeletePssht "trying to be anorexic" that stuff angers me to the bone. When will anyone realise anorexia is not something anyone strives for, unless they want a life sentence, cos thats what Ana is..
I really pray that things get better for you and I hope you can post again soon x
Love and hugs to you - ps you are my inspiration. x