Something That Gets Under My Skin

Hey guys, I changed the look of my blog. Tell me what you think, I'm not sure if I like it...


Anyway, I have received two comments on my blog so far that have really gotten under my skin. I know that when you post something on the internet, you are making yourself available to scrutiny and criticism because everyone can see it. I just wish others weren't so quick to judge. The two comments I am referring to are as follows:


"Please stop and just eat being thin is worth nothing!! Eat and enjoy life" -Kandie


"no please dont do this to yourself...it ruined my life and my familys...i nearly died...lifes not worth that pain or pain on others" -Anonymous

And my response to these two commenters is this: Look, I understand and respect that everyone has a different story. But don't criticize mine. I respect your opinion, but please don't comment on my blog if you have anything negative to say. This blog is an outlet for me to express myself in a community of people who will not judge me. I certainly didn't ask for your opinion, and I don't appreciate your negativity. If you don't like what you see on my blog, then get the hell out and don't read it. Thank you.

Just One of Those Days...

I feel lacking today. My head isn't in the right place. I fell asleep on my couch, and when I woke up an hour later, I was freezing. I searched the kitchen for something warm to eat, and almost made myself some hot chocolate and a piece of toast. At 10:30 at night. Yuck.  Once I realized this, I left the kitchen promptly. I am now fighting the hunger pains from my bedroom, and thinking about how gross I feel for even being hungry this late. I need to go to bed asap, before my stomach wins out. Hopefully looking at thinspo will help...

Happy Valentine's Day!

I love Valentine's Day. I am a sucker for a good love story. My boyfriend surprised me with the sweetest gifts today and took me on a really nice date to dinner and a movie. <3 I had so much fun.

...BUUUTTT I did let myself have a cheat day today. Unfortunately. I knew my boyfriend was going to give me chocolate and take me out for vday, and I didn't want to be rude or raise suspicion, so I allowed myself to eat normally today. Honestly, I didn't like it. It feels weird to eat and try to NOT think about every evil little calorie I'm shoving into my mouth. I can't help it. I have to think about it. It's like its hardwired into my brain to love and hate food all at the same time, which makes it utterly impossible to pretend like I have any normal sort of relationship with food. At least I can pretend and eat my dinner and make my boyfriend happy though :) That was nice enough.

Also, I ran into a good friend of mine I hadn't seen in a while, and she told me my legs looked so skinny and little. I fought the urge to throw my arms around her and cry out in small victory. Yes, it felt sooo good to hear actual confirmation that all of my hard work is starting to pay off. But I know I still have a long way to go. And it was great motivation to keep going! 

Don't take your successes for granted, girls. Celebrate them :) I know I sure am! 

xoxo 

Kylie 

A New Me

I'm tired.
Tired of being lazy. Tired of not losing. Tired of being disgusted when I look in the mirror.

There are no more excuses. The only thing stopping me is, well, me. But not anymore. I am so ready for change, its not even funny. Starting today, I am going to be A Brand New Me. A happier, more motivated, better version of myself.

I've discovered several things over the last week or so that are going to be of great help to me. The first is that water is my BEST FRIEND. I must keep water with me at all times. It subsides the hunger pains and makes me eat waaay less. Yeah, I have to pee every 20 minutes, but that's better than eating. Secondly, I've decided I'm cutting meat mostly out of my diet. I'm only going to eat meat when I have no choice (i.e. my mother makes dinner and insists I eat). Otherwise, I am staying away from it. I'm not really doing it for all of the humane reasons, but I've read some online articles, and there are a lot of health benefits to not eating meat. Besides, I've always thought of meat as being kind of dirty and greasy and filled with fat and calories. Last but not least, there will be absolutely no eating after 8:30PM. Personally, I feel disgusting when I eat late at night. If I eat past 8:30, there's almost no chance I'm going to be able to work those calories off. So, I'm preventing that with this new rule. At 8:30, I'm going to brush my teeth and stay as far away from the kitchen as I can.

Hopefully these new implementations really help. I'm already feeling better, and I've only been at it for a couple of days. Now I'm just praying to see some positive results on the scale...

xoxo

Liquid Fasting

I recently started following this really thinspiring blog, Striving For Perfection. I asked the author, Renea, for some tips on liquid fasting, and I wanted to share them on my blog as well!

Here are her liquid fasting tips:

1.      Start on a busy day, that way you are distracted and don’t have time to eat.

2.      Water bottle with you at ALL times! I keep mine in my purse.

3.      Keep reminding yourself that the 1^st day is the hardest but after the other days are so much easier, I’m not saying a walk in the park but I am saying they are easier.

4.      Before going on the fast go for 4-7 days eating mostly raw fruits and veggies.

5.      Remember you will get dizzy easier and possibly blackout.

6.      Don’t forget to rest and sleep lots!

A big thank you to Renea for answering my question. I’ve been dying to do a liquid fast, but every time I try it ends in epic failure. So, I’m super excited to do one now that I have a better idea of how I should do it! I don’t think for first fast I should set my sights on a whole week. My plan is to just try and make it one day. One entire, full day without food. Oh, the thought of it is just glorious. Starting tomorrow, I’ll begin preparing for it with a few days of fruits and veggies only. Wish my luck!

xoxo

Sick :(

So, I'm sick. I have strep throat. The good thing about being sick is that I just want to lay in bed and not move and my appetite is gone. I ate breakfast this morning, and now I feel like throwing up. It hurt my stomach. Whenever I get sick, it feels like my stomach ulcers (mentioned in my very first post) act up and make me very uncomfortable when I eat. All I had was a tiny bit of soup and some hot chocolate and I feel like I just ate a four course meal. My stomach hurts so bad and I just feel like throwing up. So, you see, its a blessing and a curse. I hate feeling this way, but at the same time it feels good to know my body is rejecting food.

Other than that, all is well. How are you guys?

My Apologies

I'm so sorry I've neglected this blog for so long! Things have just been really crazy for me lately. I've been super busy with my last semester of high school. I graduate in May (yay!). So, I've been trying really hard to do well in school and apply to different colleges and such. It's a grueling process, really. But I'm trying my best! College will be amazing though. I am absolutely not living at home. And you know what that means? 24/7 access to an on-campus gym and controlling my own diet. No more mom doing that for me :) Can you say glorious?

But like I said before, I've had a ton going on these days in my personal life. I try not to get super personal about things outside the realm of ED, because I'm super paranoid that I'm going to get a stalker or worse, have someone figure out who I am. I know I'm hiding, but I like it that way. This is the only place where I can be open and honest about Ana and not be judged for it though... I hope that made some sort of sense.

And a big thank you to those of you who read my blog. I know I don't have many followers, but I do appreciate those of you who are here for me. I love hearing how you guys are doing, so please comment and let me know you're still alive!

I love you all <3,

Ky