Friday, October 26, 2012
Please No...
Oh god. I can feel it. It's about to happen. I'm about to binge. I'm trying so hard to distract myself, but its as if the food is calling my name. Begging for me to eat it and then get rid of it all... I am so sick. Throwing up used to disgust me. I found it entirely repulsive. But now? I will do anything to be thin. How can I even live with myself? My mind is an awful place. A place where the most disgusting things seem perfectly okay and justifiable. Please please, Kylie...Don't do this. Who am I kidding? I can't fight this disease. It's a part of me. Self hatred is something I battle on a daily basis. Half of me hates that I do this to myself, and the other half can't stop. And that half always wins.
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Oh no hun when did you start purging.. and that half doesnt have to win hun, you can fight it, I know you can, but the real question is do you want to? I know people always say to me "just eat, its easy - block those bad thoughts out" but part of me embraces it whilst the weak part looks on sadly at how much I succumb to that ana voice always. I wish I could stop you bingeing.. For me bingeing makes me sad, far sadder than it satisfies me.. yet I still do it, I just wish we could both stop <3 you are strong - you know you are strong, you have shown so many times how strong you are - and its still there, Love you loads xx
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