Been Awhile...

Wow.

I've been away from this blog for about 4 months now. I was just reading my last post from December, the one where I was talking about being paranoid something terrible was just around the corner because things seemed to be going too well.

Aaannndd... I was right. Everything pretty much fell to shit right after that. I'll spare you the awful details. It's depressing and, quite frankly, still too hard to think about.

All I'll say is that something horrific happened, and it sent me spiraling downward into a major depression. And I just went crazy and left.

Left my home.

Left college.

Left the old me behind.

I ran away. I couldn't stay there any longer and be reminded of the past. I had to get away. And when I did, I swore to myself that I would try to be better on my own. I would stop this blog and finally tell Ana "No".

I've been trying for the past four months.

Then I stepped on the scale last week. For the first time in 4 months.

Gain.

Major gain.

15 pounds heavier than when I left. That's when I decided to screw the whole thing, and now here I am. Back to my blog. Back to restricting. Back to sneaking in extra exercise in the bathroom when my new roommate is sleeping. Back to that old "Oh, I already ate" line everyone and their mom has heard from me a million times. But do I care? Not one bit. I just want to be skinny.

So, hello Ana family. I've missed you all.

-Kylie