Hi all new followers! Hi old followers who haven't forgetten about me yet :) I have missed my Ana friends dearly.
I guess it's time for an update on me...
Well, I haven't been very consistent in my blog posts as of late. This isn't a surprise to anyone, I'm sure. I have just been so busy. I started college last month and haven't had a lot of free time since. My summer was nice. Me and my (ex?) boyfriend spent a lot of time together and really had a wonderful last few months together.
Now that is all over.
He is gone. I don't want to go into too much detail because I do like keeping this blog anonymous, but he has moved 12 hours away from me, and he isn't allowed to have a phone where he is. (NO, he's not in jail. omg.) Our plans after high school were drastically different, to say the least. This is why we had planned to break up after the summer. We were both worried about making a long distance relationship work, and it's no secret that we've gone through some rough times in the past. So, we decided to just enjoy our last summer together and end things on a good note with each other. Much easier said than done. When it came time for him to leave, I was a mess. I couldn't stand the thought of losing him and not being able to even talk to him while he was gone. In the end, we did officially break up. But I don't think it's what either one of us wanted. He writes me letters from where he is, but I miss him like crazy. I don't know whether to consider myself single or not. There is no question that he still has my heart. I haven't looked at another guy once since he's been gone, and I anxiously await his letters. I can't wait until I can see his face again and have him in my arms. We have been together for two years now, and I honestly feel a little lost without him. I haven't ever gone this long without talking to him, and I haven't been without him for two years. I am trying my best to stay strong because I promised him that I would. I don't want him to worry about me while he is away. In his first letter to me, he asked twice if I had been eating and reminded me to stay healthy. In a way, this breaks my heart. I don't want him to have to worry about me staying healthy. I feel so guilty for putting him in that position. I want to be healthy, for him. But for myself? Not at all. I am still a broken little girl. And without him here, and with my heart so heavy, it is so easy for me to listen to Ana. This disease offers me peace. Helps me momentarily forget the pain. Gives me the control that I lack in every other aspect of my life. I know I am sick, but it's the only way I know how to live.
Kylie
