First of all, let me just say how sorry I am for neglecting my blog for so long. I wouldn't be surprised if all of my friends in the ana community have forgotten about me by now. But I promise I'm going to try my hardest to post more often.
I've been soooo busy lately. College is hard. :( Honestly, I'm a little overwhelmed. I didn't really get much of a break. I graduated high school and immediately began taking summer courses for college. And I think the stress is getting to me. I'm just getting over being sick. I've been puking my guts out all week. I definitely don't judge those of you who may struggle with bulimia, but that is definitely not me. For some reason, I can't stand throwing up. But I have no problem with starving myself. I crave it, even. Pretty messed up, huh?
Speaking of messed up, my boyfriend and i broke up again. I broke up with him this time. I just couldn't take it anymore. He has changed so much since we first got together two years ago. He doesn't treat me right anymore. He doesn't care about me, and I can't be in a relationship like that. I've been staying really positive, but I do get really sad about things. But I just try and tell myself that everything will eventually be okay. Even so, I keep find myself rocking back and force, reliving all of the bad memories, blaming myself for everything, and trying to repeat in my head "You deserve better. This isn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself." It's hard though. I really hate myself sometimes. But I believe I still deserve to be happy. I hope I find that one day.
-Kylie
